Jealous Love and Fish

      The Big Plan

         The dishes were all dirty...all of them, from the spoons to the small plates that we only used for (not so rare) deserts. Clothes lay scattered about the floor. The betta looked pleadingly out at me through green-algae covered glass for some scrap of food...ANYTHING, and I hit play on yet another season premier of "Supernatural" on Netflix. Bored as I was on of watching grown men cry about yet another monster-ridden tragedy, I'd rather face their over-dramatic reactions to made-up sob-stories than face my significantly less dramatic but much more real problems.
   Problems. Typical, nothing new. I was to lazy to clean the house. Too tired to wash up after dinner from...well, three nights ago. And frustrated with my loneliness, boredom and ever building sense of guilt. You know that guilt. The stuff that follows you every time you lay down, whether laundry has been washed and folded or not. The stuff that looks back at you in the mirror every time you rub your eyes after "sleeping in" ...again. Can you call is sleeping in if it's the norm. Wouldn't the time you are SUPPOSED to be getting up be getting up early then? The stuff that grabs hold of you when you climb in the car to head home and realize that...you really should get to work again, make dinner, get that floor mopped...and chose instead to boot up the computer and get lost in the nether yet again.

   Ok, it might not go just like that for you, but man or woman we all run into those "ok, where exactly is my life going?" moments. I know for us girls especially we are often plagued by a lot of guilt "not pretty enough' 'not skinny enough" "not productive enough" "gossip." "loner" "nag". A lot of ugly names. Some of those things, if we are honest, yeah, we could change. For instance, the house is clean right now! It has been since Sunday. Just finished with yet another round of mopping and dishes... and dinner was pretty good. It took effort, but it's done and I feel good. God answers prayer because, otherwise, I'd still be flipping through Pinterest right now. One of my favorite songs right now is Jars of Clays "Love of a Jealous kind. The words say
   " I built another temple to a stranger
 Gave away my heart to the rushing wind
  set my course to run right into danger,
  sought the company of fools instead of friends

    I know I have been unfaithful
        Lovers in lines
   while you are turning over tables with the rage of a jealous kind.
      Chose the gallows to the Isle,
  Thought that Love would never find.
     Hanging ropes will never keep you from the Love of a jealous kind.
         Love of a Jealous Kind."

Like the story of Hosea this song reminds us not that God simply forgives sin, but that sin has no power over His love. God's love...I like to call it a "violent Love" though that might sound wrong.. blazes through unfaithfulness and guilt like a freight train through fog. Sin in fact, almost seems to make that love burn stronger. You see, God delights to rescue us. No, He isn't happy with our sin or failure (don't get me wrong, not everything we beat ourselves up over falls into the category...don't let evil get into your head), but it gives him a chance to show His glory. See, just like salvation God's love isn't my effort plus his grace. Its not, I get myself so far and God gives me enough mercy to cover the rest.
  God's love is war-like because it conquers us when we don't want it. God's love is offensive because He loves us in-spite of who we are. God's love is REAL LOVE because it all starts with him...and no amount of dirty dishes, or unpaid bills stands in the way of a God who thirsts, for the sake of His glory to love you.